Michael starts the show in an unprecedented display of humility by groveling for donations while shoveling food down his fat face, Mexicans enjoy bejeweled live beetles, and some of the best banging Michael has ever done was while blasted. We’re living in a lobbyist driven prison contractor plantation, whatever the fundamentalist Christians believe is what Michael believes, and Dick Brass bitch slaps Microsoft in the New York Times. The DOJ is still unsatisfied with Google’s plan to scan books, now matter how hard you try you’ll not find a video of the fatal luge crash, and Evelyn has advice for those of you who are having trouble sizing your “mams.” Bleh. Michael is a hard-line radical neoconservative extremist who irresponsibly and imperialistically hopes Iran isn’t allowed to have nukes, if Obama stands firm against Chinese pressure to snub the Dalai Lama it’ll be a miracle, and Michael torments Evelyn with the sounds of Fred.
An exam of the ol' "mams."
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On this very special broadcast Michael does karaoke, Evelyn schedules an appointment with her otolaryngologist, and cats are making Michael want to kill. A Chinese national is in trouble for selling phony Cisco components in the USA, most consumers report the iPad leaves them unconvinced, and Amazon’s tail is now between their legs. Howard Stern might take Cowell’s seat on American Idol (if you cared), Michael Jackson’s doctor to be hauled in Monday, and Google should take their “Don’t be evil.” slogan and insert it.
There's only a 0.0000034% chance Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel listen to this show. Thank God.
Tonight’s broadcast extravaganza marked a number of firsts as Michael walks off the show, Evelyn and Curtis proceed to demonstrate the unimportance of Michael’s continued presence, and CBS doesn’t want your gay kissing advert. Tiger Woods gets a 9.2, and the iPad gets a 3. Avatar might as well have been an Alan Alda film, anti-Obama sites are hacked, and Curtis is haunted by banging ghosts.
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Who could object to girls kissing?
Mordred joins us for our premiere broadcast of 2010 and subsequently fails to turn down his radio, Puerto Rican girls skip puberty, and audio bibles will save the Haitians. Google falls victim to Internet Explorer, in some respects you could replace your Macintosh with a See ‘N Say, and Evelyn gets frothy over Lawrence Lessig. You may not use financial aide to become a witch, Michael dreams of a violent revolution, and baby formula can kill.
"The notebook you love. In a whole new edition."
Tonight’s broadcast set a new record in length. And girth. Evelyn’s son is now into cannibalism, we have a recipe for becoming an anonymous Lotto winner, and the Western Digital TV Live has Michael feeling tingly and stimulated. MiniNova goes legal and their users go AWOL, with the right amount of concrete and steel you can own your own country, and if you’re having marital problems just remember it could always be worse. Just ask a woman in New Zealand. Comcast wants to run the Internet (and the world), Curtis Thornton will eat whatever you tell him to, and you can now purchase your very own nuclear reactor.
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Two nights in a row. It’s unprecedented. What’s happening around here? It must be related to Michael’s loneliness as Nabila continues her visit to Morocco. On tonight’s show: Michael spends Thanksgiving in isolation on the toilet, you should avoid the consumer plantation by staying home on Black Friday, and apparently there are no people with AIDS in Africa. Wikipedia appears to be in trouble, the failed former CEO of Ebay fancies herself qualified to be California’s governor, and the markets took a nose dive today. Leonard Peltier dies from a smallpox infected blanket, Roman Polanski will be getting his groceries delivered, and apparently it’s the policy of the U.S. Military to jail mothers who can’t find child care when deployed. Great.
Evelyn will send each listener who finds the word “the” in tonight’s show a complimentary Bag Box. Good luck. Michael has finally been sucked into the black hole known as FaceBook, Evelyn claims her poodle is actually a living, sentient animal deserving to be treated as such, and DriverAgent.com attempts to pacify Michael with crumbs. 911 communicaes are making their way to WikiLeaks, Google’s Chrome browser will soon have an extension library similar to that of FireFox, and Sammy Sosa is pulling a Michael Jackson. The new Motorola Doid phone is just another disappointment in the push to de-throne the iPhone, cops are going taser happy, and Evelyn is swilling Vitamin D by the barrel.
What would Malcom X have to say?
After tonight’s show, we’re considering the installation of splash guards. It truly was a momentous occasion, destined for the annals of broadcast history. Michael experiences live nicotine withdrawal convulsions on air, Evelyn is addicted to the show Car Talk, and Michael comes unhinged in a 25 minute rant on why DriverAgent.com sucks. You must hear his review. Nancy Pelosi wants you to go to jail if you don’t buy health insurance under ObamaCare, Evelyn is rocking back and forth in a straitjacket during her cold Massachusetts nights, and Michael is in love with Sara Palin. ACTA could have you banned from the Internet for life, Curtis stops by to discuss Google’s release of their new Chromium OS, and Nabila wasn’t here.
Say BOTOX! Ok, "cheese" will do.
After a show like this, the streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers. Michael can’t stop shoving food into his fat hole during the show, Evelyn has fleas and is covered in feces, and Michael is now a fancy college boy. The iPhone has fallen prey to an exploit, you clearly need to own an 18-button mouse, and watch out smart-phone owners: Verizon is going to double your early termination fee. Michael’s decade-old admonitions about Britney Spears are now coming true, your masseuse should probably be allowed to finish you off without going to jail, and the current flavor of health care reform legislation will be a double-edged sword.
Don't worry. Nobody will notice.
We expect to totally start getting the chics after tonight’s show. NetFlix doesn’t want Michael, Be Kind Rewind sucks, and the future is bleak for the Macintosh. Michael is stalking Evelyn with a webcam and she’s scared, Verizon probably won’t get the iPhone, and uploading pictures can be uproariously funny. Just ask Microsoft. SquareSpace sucks, Opera is a snarky, sneering, sniveling little browser company, and Pig Flu should kill the next reporter who tries to scare fat mid-western housewives over the whole thing.
Almost looks like a movie poster. Be afraid, sheeple.
What can I say? It was pure audio-gold tonight. Evelyn and Michael are now snorting Vitamin D, Michael wants Macintosh users disemboweled, and it’s time for another American Revolution. Michael was actually able to convince Evelyn of something, Satellite Internet blows, and Rush is passed over. Evelyn enjoys eating something called “Nigger Babies,” Requiem for a Dream will make you slit your wrists, and Yahoo is being run by old women.
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Tonight was Heaven. Just absolute, unbridled, unqualified Heaven. Mostly. Evelyn is holding out on the new website design in a bid to get more cash, people at the equator are lighter, and Sam’s Club has Mexican Coke. Dead people are going to start banging, Evelyn wants Adobe Inc. to control the English language, and private citizens are shilling for sports franchises without compensation. Michael suggests making clocks out of dead mice, Evelyn fears being fired by Michael, and Oliver Stone is a lying jism satchel.
Bad move, bro.
The show tonight could be seen as perhaps one of the greatest moments in recorded human history. Michael treats Evelyn like she has a penis, Evelyn used to sit isolated in a room while someone screamed “Asshole!!!” at her in a quest for enlightenment, and Michael hopes to addict the world with the Marlboro Blend 27. Obama and Hitler have much in common, Evelyn wants to suicide bomb PETA, the Earth Liberation Front needs your pledged contributions today, Nabila is hot, and the Swine Flu is bull crap.
If you listened live to this show, you were listening to brilliance as it happened. Floating caskets are creepy, Michael wants to hurt Evelyn, and Evelyn’s sister was left on a pile of AstroTurf. Evelyn is a bleeding heart who doesn’t want to fry people, Michael wants soldiers to smoke, and kidnapping kids is bad. The Pope is a douche, pandas should move on to bologna, and the future will bring us hair curlers made of something called “plastic.”
Hmm.
Our broadcast tonight can be heralded as a fine example of what’s possible when primates move beyond throwing poop. Michael was frightened to the point of excretion, rather than go to jail children should be wiping more elderly butts, and $500,000 is nothing. You should take the JFK assassination tour, you COULD take the Manson Family tour, and ghosts are walking about Gettysburg. Evelyn’s Skype sucks, EVPs are the voices of the dead, and a number of tech blunders have been made.
I'm a patsy.
Tonight’s broadcast marked a proud moment in human evolution. Evelyn and Michael talked about everything from the JFK assassination to thanking the 911 terrorists. Also on tonight’s show, AT&T and Apple are screwing us all, fat men are hiding guns in their flab rolls, and don’t post pictures on FaceBook of yourself dumping into a tin can.
Way to go, dumbass.
On tonight’s searingly relevant show we learned of the stupidity surrounding those who can’t figure out why their TV’s rabbit ears no longer work. Michael looks like a burn victim and is planning to rip off his cable company. Six Flags owes a dollar or two, Americans don’t know how to wax eyebrows, and Borr was banging broads in exchange for haircuts 10 years ago. We learned you’ll be able to snag Windows 7 from Best Buy for about $50. Bill O’Reilly popped into the show for the purpose of exposing himself as an uninteresting old man who enjoys using the word “boobs” on voicemail. Frys Girl wants you to avoid being fat and disgusting in your pajamas while meandering about Sam’s Club. Are you one of the three people using MySpace? A shoutout to you on tonight’s show… free of charge.
Oops.
Tonight’s show was historic in nature as Borr called in to talk about undigested vitamin supplements in the sewage system, Frys Girl told us she’d abandon Apple for the Palm Pre, and Evelyn informed me via her New England accent she’s unwilling to hit her poodle in exchange for PayPal money. David Carradine’s death photo is circulating, Nabila is making your baby’s diapers, and it’s time to end copy protection of content YOU PAID FOR!
Just a slight kick, please.
This show marked a proud moment as MVDRT resumed after over 2 and a half years of silence. We talked about the fact Rupert Murdoch is a shriveled old man who doesn’t understand the future of media despite the millions he’s made IN media. We suggested that perhaps the GOP hacks who have a problem with Obama’s theater trip to NYC should shut their holes. Just a suggestion. Not that we love Dems around here, tho. We mentioned a potential oxygen powered battery which could power your phone in a few years. There might be problems with that. Listen for further details. Some anti religion fanatics want to make Jerry Falwell’s university pay taxes. We think anti religion people are boring and generally devoid of any soul, but that doesn’t mean Falwell’s fat corpse is worth respecting, either. Listen for a thorough discussion. Phil Spector is sentenced, a Saudi man is beheaded and crucified, and the sun spot cycle could be quite juicy in 2013.
Look at him. He couldn't have done it.
